What is the most important biblical command for a husband toward his wife?
What is the most important biblical command for a wife toward her husband?
These questions are among the first I ask couples who come to me for marriage counseling. Few answer correctly. This is a problem because God created marriage and gave us a blueprint to follow. In we don’t follow the blueprint, we make it up. When we make it up, we usually mess it up.
The top 2 biblical commands for husbands and wives are found in verses 25 and 33 in Ephesians Chapter 5:
v. 25 – “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her.”
Husbands are to love their wives, but what does that mean and how do we do it? The definition I like most for love is this: Love is as love does. “God so loved the world that He gave . . .” (John 3:16). “God demonstrates His own love toward us . . .” (Rom. 5:8).
Love is an “action” word. To love our wives as Christ loved the church means to do something, and that something is to sacrifice ourselves for our wives (“. . . and gave Himself up for her.”). You can tell your wife that you love her from now until perpetuity, but she is perpetually in a “show me” state. So she’ll believe half of what she hears and all of what she sees.
v. 33 – “
Wives are to respect their husbands, but what does that mean and how do you do it? Obviously, this means that disrespect is unacceptable. But respect in this verse is also a verb, an action word. I think the word that best captures the idea is “admiration”.
Husbands are normally not looking for, “Honey, let’s cuddle on the couch”. We ought to be saying that to you. What we’re looking for is, “Of all the men on planet earth, I am so glad that God gave you to me. You are a wonderful husband and father, a terrific spiritual leader in the home, a faithful provider. You are my hunka-hunka burnin’ love”.
Did you know, while the Bible commands the husband to love his wife, it never commands the wife to love her husband? Interesting! I wondered about this for a long time and have come to this conclusion: What a woman needs is in her heart. What a man needs is in his head—in other words, ego (every wife gets this).
I tell couples that if they only read one book in their entire lives about marriage, I recommend these:
- For Men Only: A Straightforward Guide to the Inner Lives of Women
- For Women Only: What You Need to Know About the Inner Lives of Men
These are small, easy to read books. While authors Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn are Christians, they do not beat you over the head with the Bible in these books. Instead, through extensive surveys, you will learn:
- How the minds of men work vs. the minds of women. This is extremely important to know because we definitely think differently (this assumes, of course, that men actually do think).
- The one thing your wife needs you to do when she comes to you with a problem? Hint: It’s not solve it!
- Why emotional security is actually more important to her than financial security.
- Why your appearance really matters to him.
- Why it is so difficult not to look and so hard to forget what he’s seen.
- What your husband (or wife) most wishes you knew about him/her.
Get these books which make love and respect the centerpiece. They will enrich your marriage enormously.
|For Women Only – For Men Only, Revised and UpdatedCombo Pack. Get both books for $18.49.|